As a former snorer myself, I know firsthand the havoc those nighttime decibels can wreak on a relationship. My girlfriend at the time would shake me awake pretty much every night, bleary-eyed and frustrated. Clearly, tensions escalated.
After finding the right treatment, I can sleep peacefully beside my wife. But many couples still struggle with disruptive nocturnal snoring. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Let’s dive into the best way of dealing with a snoring partner.
Surviving the Snore-fest: A Reformed Snorer’s Guide to Salvaging Your Relationship
“If you think you’re lonely now, wait until tonight,” a fed-up spouse once quipped, quoting a classic R&B song that rang true regarding their partner’s snoring.
As both a dentist and former snorer, I’ve been on both sides of the snoring struggle. The noises that seem comical in-jokes can quickly drive an intimate relationship to the brink when it’s your significant other breaching the sound barrier next to you every night.
Beyond the obvious sleep disruptions, snoring can quietly damage your bond in multiple ways. Let’s unmask the subtler issues that arise when sawing logs replace pillow talk. What made our story even more interesting was that we both snored!
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The Hidden Impacts of Snoring on Relationships
Bid Farewell to the Bedroom
Many couples resort to separate bedrooms just for some peace. But this sleeping isolation often hurts intimacy and affection long-term. As one patient told me, “We went from Netflix and chill to Netflix and… chill.”
Bickering Replaces Pillow Talk
Imagine trying to reason with someone running on an hour of sleep. Petty spats and resentment can flourish in the absence of quality rest. As comedian Jeff Foxworthy joked, “My wife and I have an agreement. I don’t wake her up, and she doesn’t wake me up.”
Emotional Disconnection
It’s tough to feel desire or romance when your partner startles you awake like clockwork at 3 am. Over time, emotional and physical bonds fray from sleep deprivation. In our case, the argument over who snores louder got to the point that we would secretly stay awake so we could record each other’s snoring and shame the other person the next day! Never a good idea!
Breakdown of Trust
Misunderstandings brew easily. The snorer feels constantly “nagged” about something they can’t control, while the partner feels ignored and unimportant. We each felt the other person making this up to cover her/his own flaw and blame the victim.
Mental Health Impacts
Chronic sleep loss often manifests as mood swings, depression, and relationship stress. Studies show that snoring spouses have higher anxiety and cognitive issues.
Navigating “The Snoring Talk”
Having “the talk” about snoring is never easy, but there are some proven approaches. My assumption is that your situation is less complicated, and only one of you snores.
DON’T:
- Blindside them when sleep-deprived emotions run high. IV coffee first, conversations later.
- Frame it as an ultimatum or overview of your exit strategy.
- Bore your friends with phrases like “I need help with my snoring boyfriend!” before even discussing it with your partner.
- Kick them at night, or throw a pillow on their head in order to stop the snoring!
DO:
- Educate yourselves. Learn why we snore.
- Have the talk during calm waking hours when rested.
- Come from a place of concern – you want to solve this together.
- Present it as worry for their health and sleep quality.
- Suggest visiting a doctor or exploring anti-snoring aids as a team.
- If met with resistance, gently persist later. Don’t escalate things.
Unless there is a very large age gap, remember that by age, you will also be snoring soon. Treat your partner the same way you would like to be treated. Don’t forget, they ARE embarrassed.
Real-Life Snoring Troubles Impacting Relationships
The Separate Bedrooms Situation
After months of restless nights, my wife resorted to sleeping in the guest room for some peace from my snoring. While it gave her relief, their intimacy and connection definitely felt the distance. The thing was that even though she was snoring too, I am a heavier sleeper and the noise would not wake me up if I had the chance to go to sleep first.
The Red-Eye Flight Fiasco
On an overnight flight, one woman’s loud snoring resulted in agitated fellow passengers debating manners and “snoring etiquette.” A delicate situation amplified by the confined public space and a captive audience!
The Ultimatum Breakdown
After years of sleepless nights, there are husbands and wives that pressured their spouse to either get treated or they would leave. That usually brings a reaction that is defensive, worsening communication. The story sadly doesn’t end well often.
Pros and Cons of Linking Snoring to Selfish Traits
Pros:
- Raises awareness about treating snoring
- Encourages empathy towards non-snorers
Cons:
- Stereotyping and stigmatizing snorers
- Oversimplifying a complex health issue
Overcoming Snoring Communication Struggles
Talking about snoring is tricky. Here are some common obstacles couples face:
- The snorer feels judged and attacked.
- They remain unaware of just how disruptive it is.
- Compromising on solutions requires effort from both.
- Neither partner wants to shoulder “blame.”
- It’s a recurring issue leading to chronic tension.
With empathy, patience, and reframing it as a chance to improve the relationship, couples can work together to conquer the snoring beast.
Fun Fact: The word “snore” is derived from the Middle English word ‘snoren’, which means “to snort”.
by World of Sleep
Is Snoring Really Tied to Selfishness?
- The Misconception: Some believe if you “choose” not to treat your snoring, it shows a lack of consideration.
- The Reality: Many aren’t even aware they snore or may lack resources to treat it.
📊 Comparison Table:
| Trait | Snorers | Non-Snorers |
|---|---|---|
| Considerate | 67% | 74% |
| Empathy | 64% | 69% |
| Patience | 70% | 73% |
When Your Partner Just Won’t Address Their Snoring
If your partner remains resistant after multiple gentle talks, reflect on these considerations:
- Are financial limitations preventing doctor visits and anti-snoring aids? Find compromises.
- Could undiagnosed health issues be contributing? Professional help may be needed.
- Does their stubbornness reveal a dismissive attitude towards your needs?
- At what point does preserving your sleep and health outweigh staying in an unresponsive situation?
This requires deep introspection and assessment of your partner’s motivations.
Medically Proven Snoring Treatments to Suggest
If you can engage your partner on addressing their snoring, propose these proven remedies:
- Visiting their physician to uncover potential causes, screen for sleep apnea.
- Trying affordable over-the-counter nasal strips, throat sprays, or anti-snoring mouthpieces.
- Getting a home or clinical sleep study done to diagnose and measure snoring severity.
- Using white noise machines or apps to mask bothersome snoring sounds.
- Adopting lifestyle tweaks like losing weight, avoiding alcohol before bed, or switching sleep positions.
- In severe cases, surgical procedures like Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty (UPPP) and somnoplasty as a last resort.
- There are new laser treatments like Nightlase that can help.
- Find a list of best treatments for snoring
A combination approach may provide the best results. Don’t leave any stone unturned in the quest for peaceful slumber!
Kick Snoring to the Curb: Possible Remedies
| Solutions | Pros | Cons |
|---|---|---|
| Visit a doctor | Professional advice | Might require multiple visits |
| OTC nasal strips/mouthpieces | Instant relief, affordable | Temporary solution |
| Sleep study | Accurate diagnosis | Time-consuming |
| White noise apps/machines | Masks snoring sounds | Doesn’t treat root cause |
| Lifestyle changes (e.g., sleeping on the side) | Natural remedy, multiple benefits | Habitual changes needed |
| Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty (UPPP) | Long-lasting solution | Invasive, last resort |
“When you meet someone new, ask if their parents snore before saying “I do”!!
by me!
Snoring Cures: By the Numbers
91%: Respondents reported relationship problems due to snoring issues (National Sleep Foundation).
60%: Roughly how many in the U.S. snore occasionally, disrupting over 100 million bed partners (American Academy of Dental Sleep Medicine).
84%: Percentage experiencing improved relationship satisfaction from treating snoring through oral appliance therapy (Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine).
150%: Increased risk of fatigue-related motor vehicle accidents for those with snoring partners vs non-snorers (Accident Analysis & Prevention).
Find out how far snoring can be heard.
Key Takeaways on Addressing Your Snoring Situation
While uncomfortable to confront, remember snoring also disrupts your partner’s sleep. Approach the talk gently without accusations and offer to collaborate on solutions. Reframe it as a chance to better health and sleep quality for both of you.
With understanding, patience and commitment to finding remedies, you can tackle this tricky issue together. The path won’t be smooth, but clearing the air is the first step to more tranquil nights and a stronger relationship.
In our case, we ended up doing a few things that helped us very well.
- We accepted the fact we both snore
- We first tried over-the-counter solutions, that helped somewhat
- In my case Flonase helped a lot
- In her case a treatment with laser took the edge off.
- We also bought ear plugs for worst nights or nights before important mornings.
Also remember, as you get older, your hearing is going to get messed up too, so neither of you can hear the snoring as much!!
